is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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