i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
