Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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