Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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