pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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