So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
