When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize