So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
