I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The uberlube is also flammable
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
this is an emotional support booty call
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
