I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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