Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
