all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
