I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
