He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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