Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
