his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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