Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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