I bet he comes in French.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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