He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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