oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
