i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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