I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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