So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
