how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
