Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
