I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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