so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
