My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
