office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
