One girl and one boy is just not enough.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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