girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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