I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
