I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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