Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
