guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize