Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
