my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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