she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
