But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
