I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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