I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
