It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
