It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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