dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
