the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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