so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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