Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize