This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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