You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
