Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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