Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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