Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
