And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
