his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
