I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
