The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
