I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's like iHOP with fire
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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