Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
