Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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