Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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