Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
