Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
