I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
