apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
