I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize