Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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