Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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