16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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