yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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