Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
