guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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