I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
