Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
