me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize