my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
