I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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