Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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