Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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