"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
