Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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