What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
