Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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